Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Smart Credit Experience, the place where financial clarity, strategy and transformation begin. I'm your host, Gerry Toliver, CEO of Smart Credit Solutions and the creator of the Smart Credit method. Every week, I break down the truth about credit, funding and building a financially abundant life and business. So if you're ready to learn what lenders actually look for, how to build a fundable business, and how to move forward with confidence and clarity, you're in the right place.
[00:00:30] Have you ever not sent the email, not posted the video, not applied for that credit card or loan, or not asked the questions that you really needed to ask to get the answers that you needed, and not because you weren't able to do it, but because you just didn't want to get rejected? Well, today we're going to be talking about that because I understand rejection doesn't just sting a little bit sometimes it really feels personal and exposing and it makes you question your worth. And I want to help you redevelop your relationship with that. And so on today's episode, we're not talking about avoiding rejection. We're actually just going to talk about reducing its power. I'm going to walk you through just four practical steps today, and I'm going to give you some psychological shifts that will help you completely change how you experience the word no.
[00:01:22] And this is in business, this is in your finances, this is in relationships and in your growth. Because the reality of it is this, people that win, they do not avoid rejection.
[00:01:35] Instead, they just have a different relationship with it. And so I'm going to give y' all four tips today to help you with turning setbacks and rejections into setups for success.
[00:01:48] So, which actually brings me to the point of understanding that getting denied for anything, for credit, for loans, opportunities, I understand that it doesn't feel good, but I want you to reframe that way of thinking from it doesn't feel good to I'm trying.
[00:02:11] Because when you really think about it, the only time you can ever feel this feeling of rejection is when you try.
[00:02:20] When you make an effort at something, the people that are not making an effort at anything and are too busy thinking about it or talking about it, they're not experiencing rejection because they're not putting themselves out here. They're not putting themselves out there to get rejected. I remember the, the. A moment in my life even where I was trying to even overcome the feeling of rejection and wanting to avoid rejection. I had actually just got into the credit space after I had gotten scammed out of $800 to repair my credit.
[00:02:58] I had learned later that I could repair my own credit, and so I did.
[00:03:04] But as I was repairing my credit, it was like a stressful type of process because I was getting rejected over and over again. I was sending letters to get collections off my credit reports, and the credit bureaus were telling me that it wasn't going to go anywhere and they weren't going to remove it. I was trying to negotiate with creditors, and they weren't really working with me.
[00:03:29] And I had hired somebody to help me with it, and he took my money and ran. And so I felt like I was just experiencing rejection after rejection after rejection. I was trying to buy a house, and I just felt like nothing was really going the right way.
[00:03:48] And it sucked. It really, really sucked. But I realized, though, that that rejection was really my protection because in all honesty, what I thought I wanted and needed, I just wasn't ready for then anyway. I wasn't ready to.
[00:04:10] I wasn't ready for the yeses, point blank period.
[00:04:14] And if I wanted to get the yeses, I needed to do something different, which was stop avoiding rejection. Now, I don't know about y'. All. I don't know if you've ever tried to go get a house or a car or credit card or a new relationship or a new opportunity and you get rejected for it. Most people that I know have been rejected for many things in their life. But what has that done for you?
[00:04:43] Has that helped you grow into somebody that doesn't fear it? Or has it helped you grow into somebody that avoids it? And so the reason why I've been thinking about this is because I saw on social media recently that the idea of a rejection challenge, there are people out here that are committing to getting rejected more than ever before than they've ever been in their life. And I thought it was really cool because while most people are trying to avoid rejection, they are barking up the wrong tree.
[00:05:18] Instead, it's important to understand how to reduce it.
[00:05:23] And so I want to give you all four steps and just practical ideas that you can take with you today to help you reframe your idea around rejection and to maybe even open up the possibility of you taking on the rejection challenge and being okay with it after all. So the first tip that I want to give y' all today is if you really want to reduce the effects of rejection, then first you got to not take it personally.
[00:05:53] Now, this might be a little difficult because it's hard not to take it personally, but I read this book once called The Four Agreements. It was written by author named Miguel Ruiz, and it was without a doubt one of the best books that I've ever read in my life.
[00:06:12] And the four Agreements, so what it is, are they're really principles that you would live your life by.
[00:06:18] And the first agreement was be impeccable with your word meaning. You know, say what you mean, mean what you say.
[00:06:24] Two was don't take anything personally.
[00:06:28] Three, don't make assumptions. And four, always do your best.
[00:06:33] Now, I read this book when I was in my mid-20s and I just, actually just celebrated a birthday. I just made 39.
[00:06:42] And I still carry these principles to this day. In fact, I teach my children these same principles because they have served me so well in my life. And so what I want to do is focus on number two, which is don't take anything personally.
[00:06:59] Why?
[00:07:00] Because nothing that anybody does is, has any really anything to do with you. You know, that I really, when I realized that, that really just shifted my way of thinking about so much. When you realize that what people do and decisions that are made or opportunities that are presented or offered to you or not offered, when you realize that many of that stuff, the outcomes of it, you can't control anyway.
[00:07:31] When you realize that, you realize that you're putting yourself in a position to suffer just willfully. You're. We're willingly putting yourself in a position to suffer when you take the opinions and the choices of others and make it about you.
[00:07:58] Now, we have all seen situations where people that have been rejected still ended up being on top later. They still ended up being successful later. For instance, Oprah Winfrey, like, give me a break. When she first started, I remember. I remember an interview with her talking about how when she was embarking on her journey of becoming a television, you know, star, people were telling her that she wasn't fit for tv, but she built a empire, she built a network.
[00:08:32] When people told her, this isn't for you, that wouldn't work for you. Michael Jordan, he. He was what, cut from his high school varsity team and he still became one of the best basketball players to ever live, to ever play.
[00:08:51] And so they didn't take the rejection personally. Instead, they used that as power to fuel themselves to still do more in their life. And so if you've ever been rejected for anything, for opportunities, for jobs, for loans, credit cards, grants, it's a part of the process.
[00:09:11] It's the part of doing.
[00:09:14] It's the part of taking the steps. It's the part of putting yourself out there.
[00:09:20] It's just a part of the journey.
[00:09:22] And so you've got to accept it and almost really normalize it. Which brings me to my second, my second tip, which is stop pre rejecting yourself.
[00:09:37] I've seen this time and time and time again where people don't apply for the loan on the credit card or they don't pitch the business to an investor, they don't post the videos, they don't post anything to promote their businesses, they stop asking for sales, they stop asking for opportunities.
[00:09:57] And all you're doing is avoiding rejection. At that point, you're stopping the momentum of your progress. And to be honest, it doesn't even reduce rejections. It just increases your regret.
[00:10:14] Every cr. It just increases all the things that you regret because then you put yourself at a standstill.
[00:10:21] You put yourself in a position where you can't grow and you can't become better because you stop the movement process.
[00:10:31] You stop doing your best.
[00:10:34] So you've got to show up if you want to turn no's into yeses.
[00:10:41] Nos are not. They're normally just not a no, period. They're normally a no, comma.
[00:10:48] Something comes after it.
[00:10:50] And so, you know, don't pre reject yourself.
[00:10:54] Don't shut your own self down. Instead, normalize the fact that you're going to get rejected.
[00:11:02] I remember my, my mentor telling me this once as I was embarking on this same journey of not taking rejection personally and overcoming the feeling of unworthiness when people would reject me. Well, she said you needed to start normalizing rejection and also normalizing low acceptance rates.
[00:11:26] So if you're, if you're expecting 50% of applications that you put in to be accepted, or if you're expecting, you know, nine out of 10 people that you talk to about your business to hire you, like you're setting yourself up for failure. Instead, normalize low acceptance rates. More like 10%.
[00:11:49] So normalize 10% applications getting accepted. Normalize 10% of clients deciding to work with you. 10%. It is very minimal, but it gives you a baseline at the minimum. Because what happens is as you get more skilled, as you get better, you get more yeses.
[00:12:12] So my mentor gave me this one really great tip, and she told me to make up in numbers what you lack in skill, which means that you're going to have to cover more ground. You're going to have to build more stamina for hearing the word no by getting more repetitions in. So at that point, rejection doesn't feel like a shock to your body because that's when that's what's happening when people are telling you no or you're not qualified right now, or now is not the right time when people are telling you that sometimes what happens, you get a shock, a jolt to your body and you feel like, man, is this ever going to happen? Freak me, am I, am I not enough?
[00:12:55] Like what's, what's going on here? Right? And so at the end of the day, normalize it. Normalize the fact that you are going to get rejected, especially when you're unskilled.
[00:13:06] So as you get more repetitions in, you're going to get more yeses. And as you get more yeses, you are able to collect data to see what made these people say yes.
[00:13:15] And then you can keep repeating that.
[00:13:18] And before you know it, you're getting more acceptance rates, you're getting more yeses, and you're building more momentum. Hell, you're, you're happier where you're getting more yeses. So if you're, if you're getting no's and you're getting rejected, don't blame the people for rejecting you. Instead, look at yourself and see, can I change my approach?
[00:13:40] Is there something else that I could say or something I could do that could get me more yeses? And if that's the case, then just do that, just do that over and over and over and over again. Because you'll get more yeses and you'll be happy that you're getting more yeses. So don't put yourself in a position to one, pre reject yourself. Because when you pre reject yourself, first of all you feel bad about yourself and then you approach what you want badly with the wrong attitude and that sets you up for rejection.
[00:14:14] So it's like a self fulfilling prophecy because you're thinking about things and creating that same experience in your life.
[00:14:23] So think about it differently and say, okay, I know that this is going to happen and I know it's going to happen. Maybe at a 10, it's going to happen at a 9. I'm going to get rejected 90% of the time, but eventually you're going to get rejected 70% of the time, 50% of the time, 30% of the time. When I first got into business, y', all, I think like out of every 10 people that I started talking to about my business, about maybe one or two people would say, I want to do business with you. That's 10 to 20% of people. But now when I talk to people, I'm able to get about a 50 to 60% acceptance rate. People Say yes. Yes. Yes. I want to work with you. I, I still get people to say no, but I've admitted I've been in business for over 10 years. I still hear the word no. So I don't avoid it. I accept it and I welcome it.
[00:15:11] So that I can see, well, what, why did you say no? And then maybe we could turn that no into a yes.
[00:15:15] Because you're just collecting data. That's it. Which is tip number three is about being ready and planning. Because sometimes we get rejected because we're just not approaching it the right way. Many times we're just winging it.
[00:15:30] And you want to stay ready so that you don't feel bad about yourself. Because many times we're pre rejecting ourselves and we think, oh, we're not, we're not going to get approved anyway is because you're not preparing to get approved.
[00:15:47] You're not, you're not ready to get approved.
[00:15:50] I'm not going to play, I'm going to get rejected anyway. Well, why is that? Because you're not preparing yourself.
[00:15:57] So this all really boils down to preparation. You know, think about it this way. When you want to buy a house, do you just go to a lender and say, hey, real estate professional, help me buy a house, or do you prepare Now? I'd made that mistake when I, when I bought my first house.
[00:16:15] I kind of stumbled upon the process by mistake because I was told, go buy a house for you and your kids. Just go buy a starter house. First step to wealth. Okay, great. I went and I contacted a real estate agent and the real estate agent went out. She took me out to go see houses and then I was like, okay, great, I want to buy this house.
[00:16:35] And she was like, okay, great. See my lender for to get a pre approval. I go get the pre approval. I go get the pre approval. I was rejected. My credit was bad.
[00:16:44] I didn't know that it was smarter to go get a pre approval for a home first before you go shopping for it. I didn't know that I was ignorant to that process, but I only learned that process because I got rejected for what I thought I wanted and what I thought I was ready for.
[00:17:03] So, you know, it's, it's really about getting in the know and planning out your success.
[00:17:09] Because when you fail to plan, you're really planning to fail.
[00:17:14] And I, I mean, I talk to so many people that come to me and they say, hey, Jerry, I want to repair my credit or I want to build my scores or I want to Build a business using business credit. I want to quit my full time job by helping people with their credit. And I've heard people tell me everything that they want to do. So many things that they want to do, wonderful things that they want to do.
[00:17:36] But when we get into a strategy session, I started getting into where are you currently?
[00:17:42] Many people are not close to what they say that they want. In fact, many people don't know what they want.
[00:17:50] They don't know what they want.
[00:17:52] I ask people, how much fun it do you want? As much as I can get.
[00:17:56] That tells me you don't know what you want.
[00:17:58] You don't even have a number. How much money do you want to make in your business? As much as I can make. You don't know what you want.
[00:18:05] When you know what you want, what you say is specific.
[00:18:10] You say things like, I want to buy a house in the next year, I want to repair my credit in 90 days. I want to walk away from my full time job in the next two years, I want to spend more time with my family and take at least two vacations a year. These are very specific goals. And so when I'm asking questions to potential clients and our current clients and they're giving me very vague goals and answers, it tells me that they don't know what they want yet. And that's fine. I play a role in helping you understand what you want.
[00:18:44] But you've got to be ready for what you say that you want, stay ready for what you say that you want. Because when you're ready, you don't pre reject yourself. When you're ready, you show up with confidence. When you're ready, you're able to walk in the bank clapping your hands. It's my money and I need it out.
[00:19:03] Right? When you're ready, you know that you're going to get approved. When you're ready, you know the client's going to say yes. Success.
[00:19:09] It's when you're ready because you're planning for that success.
[00:19:14] 4 4th tip for y' all today. It's my last one.
[00:19:18] This probably gonna be the hardest tip I'm gonna give you is you're gonna have to detach yourself from the outcome.
[00:19:25] You have to detach yourself from the outcome.
[00:19:29] Now, I'll be honest about this one.
[00:19:31] I have been told that this is one of my superpowers.
[00:19:36] It is something that comes to me, it seems naturally, but you've got to detach yourself from an outcome. I understand that rejection does hurt, but it hurts the most when you attach an outcome to who you are.
[00:19:54] Now, many times when this is happening, we may not realize it, but you're right. It sounds like very specific scripts. It. It sounds like if a client or if somebody, or bankers, just somebody in general didn't choose you, you'll think, I'm not good enough.
[00:20:14] Or if, if something bad is happening in life, because life, sometimes he life in it sounds like, why is this happening to me?
[00:20:26] Am I not enough?
[00:20:28] I'm not good enough.
[00:20:30] When you get rejected or for opportunities, and I.
[00:20:35] I want you to know this, that you can be talented, you can be attractive, you can be qualified, you can be skilled and still not be a good fit for something.
[00:20:54] You can be attractive, you can be talented, qualified, and skilled and still not be a good fit.
[00:21:06] Why did I say that twice?
[00:21:09] Because it's really easy to think that we are entitled to things that we're not ready for.
[00:21:19] And also it's incredibly easy to believe that if we don't get what we feel we're entitled to, that there's something wrong with us.
[00:21:31] And that's not the case.
[00:21:33] Many times it's just timing.
[00:21:36] It could be that you're just not qualified right now, but you can in the future.
[00:21:42] It could be that you made one small mistake that you could easily fix.
[00:21:48] There's so many reasons for getting rejected, but understanding the reason is the very first step.
[00:21:58] And also understanding that anything could happen that many times you don't even have control over the outcome.
[00:22:06] And so control what you can control, because you can't control too much of anything, to be honest, when you really think about it, can't really control too much of anything. Only thing you can control is yourself.
[00:22:21] So don't attach outcomes to who you are and your character and don't do that to yourself, okay? Don't do that to yourself because when you do that, then you set yourself up to never try again because it makes you feel really bad.
[00:22:43] And remember this, you are good enough.
[00:22:46] You're enough.
[00:22:49] You are.
[00:22:50] It's just, hey, that's just the outcome right now.
[00:22:56] But things can change sometimes. A no isn't. It's not like I said, a no is not a no, period. It's a no, comma, which means things can change.
[00:23:06] I once heard Kerry Washington. I heard a clip of her talking about the idea of rejection.
[00:23:16] She'd said once that you pray to catch the bus and then you run as fast as you can. You don't pray to catch the bus and then, you know, stroll down the street.
[00:23:29] You gotta pray and then run as fast as you can because if you miss it, then it wasn't your bus.
[00:23:37] But if you are strolling down the street, right, you praying and you strolling, that could have been your bus, but you missed it because you were too casual about it.
[00:23:48] And so, you know, you've got to just do your best by putting in that prayer and running as fast as you can, putting in the work, giving it your best effort, because at least you'll know that you tried and you gave it your best shot.
[00:24:05] It's when we put in that half assed effort and we're really not trying, but we're just doing enough to get by.
[00:24:16] It's when you do that that it really just kills your momentum, your confidence and your motivation and enthusiasm around what you're trying to build.
[00:24:25] And so, you know, if you're really trying to become better, if you're trying to grow, if you're trying to succeed, then just remember that rejection is sometimes your protection and sometimes it's just a setup for you to still succeed. You just gotta think about it different. Change your relationship to the word no.
[00:24:52] And if you're trying to change your relationship with rejection around building your business or getting funding or credit, or just improving your financial circumstance, finances, I invite you to join us. And at Smart Credit Coach, we'll be more than happy to help you with getting the credit that you deserve by helping you understand how to repair your credit, build your scores, establish business credit, gain funding, and learn how to manage your money the smart way. And so I really grateful that y' all joined me today and I hope y' all learn something about changing a relationship with the word no and rejection. And as a recap, number one was remember, don't take it personally.
[00:25:35] Two, stop pre rejecting yourself.
[00:25:37] Three, stay ready and plan for success.
[00:25:41] And four, detach from the outcome.
[00:25:45] But thank y' all so much for joining me for today's episode of the Smart Credit Experience. I'm your friend, Jerry Toliver, CEO of Smart Credit Coach, and I will see y' all next time.
